If The Guy Who Solved Lawnmowing Can't Solve Covid-19, Nobody Can

lawn mower smartest guy alive

If you don't really follow daily news, you're smart. That shit is a waste of time 99% of the time. And I'm not even talking about politics and stuff like that which is a 100% waste, I'm saying just random events happening in the world. However, in the last two days we have encountered both ends of the spectrum of humanity. 

Let's start with yesterday. We were faced with the worst human being not only on earth today but possibly in the history of the planet. Sure this guy doesn't have the resume of the Atilla The Hun's or Stalin's of the world, but if he had the resources or charisma to someday get to that level, you can guarantee he'd do everything in his power to fill in their footsteps. This piece of human scum comes to us in the form of a 22 year old ass clown who spent his Saturday evening feeling up flight attendants and raving about his parents finances like a lunatic. Truly the worst. If you missed it I wrote a blog yesterday about this guy, one of those people that single handedly is the reason the death penalty still exists in some states. 

On the flip side, today we have been blessed with the closest reincarnation of the likes of Sir Isaac Newton and Johan Sebastian Bach. An unequivocal genius. Someone who not only has used the power of his brain, and good will to change his life, but surely will change the lives of millions. A man that has enough landscaping prowess to convince a John Deere to hand over his lunch money and be happy about it. We found a man who has revolutionized lawn care forever. Check this shit out. 

 ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?! I shit you not, I just mowed my lawn today and had the very thought of how annoying it is that in a week I will have to totally repeat the same process. In then sent me down a mental worm hole of just how many obsolete yard work tasks we take upon ourselves to complete but that's a blog for another day. I'm staring directly into your soul, raking leaves. 

I don't know if I should feel embarrassed or totally normal when I say this, but I have never even once thought about trying to devise a system in which the lawn mows itself. Let alone done it successfully? This guy is on another level of mental aptitude. You thought you were smart or handy when you fixed your bike gear chain and got it back on the track this weekend? Fuck no, that's a drop in the bucket compared to the guy WHO HAS HIS LAWNMOWER MOW THE LAWN FOR HIM. Other worldly intelligence. This guy needs to be put at the tippy top of the CDC, WHO and any other organization trying to find the solution to Covid. While we're at it let's see if he has any thoughts on world hunger, poverty, climate change and any other hot topics that could possibly lead to the demise of the human race as we know it. PHD's and college degrees have never been less impressive to me, give me the guy who tricked his lawnmower into doing all the work for him, that's the guy that is going to figure out how the earth can healthily sustain 10 billion people in the year 2050.

Also, since when do push mowers accelerate on their own? I have the same type, you stand behind and push it and never once have I seen that thing move forward without me pushing it. Matter of fact there is a little lever I need to hold for the thing to run at all. Not sure if he's got a past or a future model but either way, I'm jealous. 

 


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