Imagine Thinking Matt Stafford Would Actually Come Down With Corona?
The Detroit Lions announced today that the King in the North himself, Matt Stafford, is corona free and will come off the covid19 reserve list. This weekend a report came out saying he was on the list and that he didn't necessarily have corona himself but that he may have come in contact with someone who had it. After more tests I guess Staffy tested positive initially, freak out engaged, and then had like 5 straight negative tests, chill mode harnessed, proving that he never actually had it.
I've got a couple things on this:
1) Kelly Stafford posted an Instagram with a novel of a caption essentially shitting on the NFL and the Lions for advertising that Matt may have corona before they officially knew obviously. Thus, causing her and her family to be mistreated by people in public because they thought that the entire family would inevitably be exposed and possibly have it. She makes a great fucking point. How does an organization like the NFL just sell someone down the river off a false positive test?! How is their testing so bad that they are getting false positives? They're the god damn NFL, they should have the gold plated toilet seat of covid-19 tests. And even if they don't it is horse dookie that they are just selling people out, fucking with their personal lives. It's like they want other players to read this horror story and opt out... idiots.
2) Did people really think a guy who in his rookie year, with an injured shoulder, told trainers to "get the fuck off of him" to go back in the game and throw the game winning touchdown, would ever be capable of contracting coronavirus? What a stupid thought. There was never even a shred of a chance that this thing was going to compromise a physical specimen like Staff. If anything, coronavirus attacking Staff would only risk de-mutating the virus and completely eradicating it from the earth all together. If anything, the idea of covid coming for him is something the world may need some day. The only disease capable of compromising Matt Stafford is a defensive guru head coach who thinks he's Bill Belichik, not to name any names of course.
3) If the best QB in the Cats' history somehow, by the grace of an evil, sadistic god, did contract corona he would do as the Golden God himself. He'd lock himself in a room, chug a beer light years faster than that frail old man from green bay, say "sickness be gone!", sing Boys 2 Men, and then go win a fucking super bowl. That's what he would do. If you ask me, the whole corona situation and Stafford seems like a win win to me. He either doesn't get it, stays healthy, and wins a superbowl. Or, he gets it, expels it from his body within hours while embarrassing that clown Rodgers along the way, and goes out and wins a superbowl. Win win. And Kelly, if anyone gives you a hard time on your next trip to Nino Salvaggios just refer them to me and i'll make sure that they not only never get to experience luxury grocery shopping again, but that they aren't invited to participate in the parade like some people will be (me), or even allowed to attend the parade. Just say the word.