Before we get started today I just need to say, this feels like the most important work I have ever done. And I don't just mean as far as writing blogs, or making podcasts, or slinging t shirts go. I mean in the history of my 23 year old life this feels like the most important thing I have ever done, compiling an insurmountable quantity of evidence pointing to @EddyPLionsFan being Matt Patricia's burner account. I feel like Giuliani building a case against the 5 families. In Rudy's words, now, we are both familiar with crooks, the 5 families ran organized crime for decades across this country, and in my case, Matt Patricia stole 3 seasons worth of salary as well as joy from the city of Detroit, so yeah, pretty much the same thing. Anyway, if you're reading this, you're here for me to tell you why it only makes sense that this is actually, 100% legitimately Matt Patricia's burner, let's begin.
There is such an absurdly overwhelming amount of evidence that I actually am not totally sure where to start. First things first, just head to the twitter page mentioned above, @EddyPLionsFan and just take a few seconds to scroll the page. Before we get into it I need to address three things: 1) Matt Patricia's middle name is Edward aka Eddy 2) In the bio it says father of 3, Matt Patricia has 3 kids, I just googled it and 3) The last thing in the bio says he's a tech nerd. Is that code for saying "I love rocket science"? I mean, it certainly leads me to believe that whoever this Eddy P tech nerd is, would definitely leave himself privy to a love for rocket science. So right off the bat, before we even start digging there are 3 very VERY suspicious occurrences, I won't dare call them coincidences.
And NOW, we dig. Before we get into the tweets which are absolutely the meat and potatoes of this entire thing, I would like everyone to just peruse through who "Eddy P" is following. There are 77 of them, and they are all people that it would make sense for the head coach of the Detroit Lions to follow, and more specifically, Matt Patricia. Look at them, really pay attention. Who does he follow? 3 kinds of people. Either they're national sports talking heads, affiliated with the Detroit Lions, or affiliated with the New England Patriots. LITERALLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON. Again, how the fuck could someone call this a coincidence. Like, he's not just following his "favorite player" he follows literally every single Detroit Lion with a twitter presence, every single one. AND he's a tech nerd?? Don't tell me this isn't Matt Patricia.
But this is the real kicker. Let's get into this fat loser's tweets and if you're still on the fence I guarantee you'll come around after reading a few of these. And if not, then you have no imagination and probably suck to hang out with. This is where the organization, and where to start gets tough but I will lead you through it as best as I can. I mean, if you have eye balls and can read just scroll through his replies on your own and the dude makes it abundantly clear it's his burner. But if you're following along with ole Nick at home then let's start in early September where "Eddy P" defends Patricia getting rid of Slay.
Coach Patricia didn’t do anything to Darius Slay Darius just didn’t want to be a Lion— Eddy P (@EddyPLionsFan) September 3, 2020
Exhibit A. I've always wanted to say that in a context like this, feels good, thank you for allowing me that. But back to the point, if this is true, that Slay wanted to go (which it didn't seem like if you followed along), how does "Eddy P" know that? How does a Detroit Lions fan and tech nerd KNOW that Darius Slay didn't want to be a Lion? Or is he more of a Detroit Lions coach and a rocket scientist... let's continue.
Run out of town? Like Darius? Darius didn’t want to be here simple as that. And as soon as coach gets his own guys you’ll see what his defense can do— Eddy P (@EddyPLionsFan) September 3, 2020
Another one. Also, who refers to coaches of NFL teams that they don't know as just, "coach"? I can confidently say I have never seen a random fan refer to whoever this coach is as just "coach". Another weird move for "Eddy P" to carry out. But first a couple more random defense tweets BEFORE the season started. But you will notice, "Eddy P's" last tweet is September 4th before the year starts, and then he doesn't tweet again until November 30th, 2020...... after Matt Patricia was fired. Another very interesting timeline for "Eddy P" to abide by. But first, more weird defense:
It's also so weird because I am like 99% sure that Matt Patricia fans just don't exist. Like in 3 years I have never seen anyone come even close to this level of defense/fandom for Matt Patricia.
Those weren’t all his players. General manager Bob Quinn had input as well as CEO Rod Wood. If they would’ve listened more to coach patricia you would’ve seen better results— Eddy P (@EddyPLionsFan) September 4, 2020
Lol. Keep doubting coach Patricia— Eddy P (@EddyPLionsFan) September 4, 2020
I mean nobody, and I mean NOBODY was saying this shit before the season. NOBODY! Alright so after that last tweet Eddy decides to take about a 3 month hiatus from twitter only to return last night once again to the defense of his white knight, Matt Patricia.
Coach Patricia has a thing called respect. Maybe that reporter should learn some— Eddy P (@EddyPLionsFan) December 1, 2020
So after you're king gets run out of Detroit after yet another failed season, you break your twitter shun to defend him being an asshole to a reporter?? What the fuck is this? This could possibly be the most random tweet in the world, unless there's one specific person running the account.
Boom. Another jugular shot at a random ass person who is criticizing a guy who has objectively been a complete failure. Another just weird thing to say. But he never gets too mean like the normal twitter assholes which raises my suspicion even more. Like, sure he makes fun of the guy here, but it's not that vulgar or violent. It almost like he doesn't want to say anything TOO crazy on here. Interesting.
LOL. Coach Patricia accomplished more than you ever have or ever will. If the Lions organization had listened to him everything would be different.— Eddy P (@EddyPLionsFan) December 1, 2020
Using a 1st round pick on a tight end is the biggest gripe. There were other players that could have helped such as DL Ed Oliver who would have played very well in Patricia’s scheme.— Eddy P (@EddyPLionsFan) December 1, 2020
And finally, the piece de resistance, by far my favorite "random" tweet for someone like "Eddy P" to fire off. In typical Matt Patricia fashion he places the blame on Bob Quinn for Patricia's short comings in Detroit, but this specific part of the thread is Patricia getting caught red handed. Just read it. Again, he's tweeting like someone is giving him a grade on the politeness of his writing. He's not a normal twitter person who just irrationally spouts off violent slurs to get their point across. He's very correct, succinct, and professional sounding. Put him behind bars. Secondly, why does "Eddy P" write this like he's speaking for Matt Patricia's biggest gripe? The way he writes this doesn't at all feel like an opinion of an third party, and even if it was, how the shit does "Eddy P" know that Patricia had a problem with taking Hockenson in the first round? How does "Eddy P" know that Ed Oliver would've played well in Patricia's scheme. And also, why does "Eddy P" refer to Ed Oliver as DL Ed Oliver?? Seems like some fired NFL head coach stuff.
Well, that's it. I really don't know how much more clearly I can lay it out for you. @EddyPLionsFan HAS to be Matt Patricia's burner, and I simply won't here it any other way. It fucking has to be. Quick pat on the back to me for writing this Pulitzer prize blog, my right arm is half asleep over here from typing, my coffee has gone cold and here I am plugging away just so Lions fans everywhere can be educated and entertained. It's a thankless job being the Sherlock Holmes of the Detroit sports scene. So I'll thank myself.