Michigan Football Cancels Game Against Maryland, Once Again Asserting Their Academic Prowess

The leaders and best! The champions of the west! Hail, Hail to the ginormous brains in Ann Arbor that have completely solved the football program in one, fell swoop. Also shoutout to me proving MY academic prowess by using the phrase, "one fell swoop" correctly. I'm not gonna lie, I was tempted to say, "one fail swoop" because I realized nobody actually knows what word goes there, we just kind of say it and move on, and nobody ever writes it down. So shoutout to me for getting that right.

The advisors of the most winningest football program in history have decided that this weekend's game against Maryland simply cannot be played in hopes of keeping the kids safe, because everybody who knows anything about the NCAA knows that all they care about is the safety of their guys. I'm sure there are UofM fans, one of which I am not, that are kinda bummed out they won't get to see the Wolverines play duck duck goose at quarterback this weekend, and I'm sure there are more that have a little more pep in their step today knowing that they WON'T have to see that. But whichever side of the fence you fall on, you have to admit, this is a GENIUS move by Michigan. 

If you've ever met anybody who's gone to Michigan you know how much they love to tell you how great of a school it is academically, like, they fucking love to tell you it. Almost to the point where you are like "dude I get it, the Ross school of business all that jazz, now please leave me alone" like that much is how much they love to tell you about it. But you know what? I applaud them, because that prowess showed with this decision.

Amid rumors surrounding Harbaugh coming back, during a season in which they lost to Michigan State (Go Green) and a winless Penn State team, when their quarterback was, "the second coming of Cam Newton", Michigan made the only decision that they possibly could to salvage this season. They simply canceled it. In the purest of Michigan fashion, they've decided to take their ball and go home. Who knows what would've happened against Maryland, I can guess Michigan would've gotten terrible quarterback play, gotten burned on deep routes all day, and made a plethora of mind boggling mistakes to lose, but who knows for sure; this is a long term move in order for them to avoid the final nail in the coffin of sheer embarrassment. That nail being OSU literally putting up 100 on them. 

Remember before the season when there was that report that Ryan Day told Jim Harbaugh they were going to, "hang 100 on their asses"? Well, as crazy as it sounds, OSU really may have put up 100 on Michigan. I mean for christ sakes MSU put up 27 and our offense is a wet dishrag compared to OSU's. But with this decision, UofM can simply save themselves the bloodshed and take refuge behind a medical emergency. THE LEADERS AND BEST! So fucking smart you have to respect it. Saved the season. Bring Harbaugh back forever. 

My favorite thing about it is if the roles were reversed and Michigan was a top team in the country, and OSU was rearing to get fucking rocked, I have no doubt in my mind Michigan would do the same thing and cancel the game, for the safety of the kids of course. (I'm totally kidding they would never pass up an opportunity to beat a "rival" that they haven't beaten since Sopranos was still airing)

Good for Michigan. 

Leave a comment