Remember When Mel Tucker Beat Michigan As 3 Touchdown Underdogs This Weekend?
HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA. 3 Touchdowns?!?! 3?!?!?! And Mel Tucker waltzed in there and dropped his planet sized balls on Jim Harbaughs face!! I know it's been a few days since the game but man oh man I cannot get over how fucking hilarious it is that State, once again, was burdened with the tasks of exposing Michigan football for exactly what it is: An underachieving farce. I think the best way to describe the Michigan football program is a little analogy that will resonate with most, if not all, Americans. Michigan is like the cheeseburger you see on your TV any time McDonalds runs an ad. It looks real, it looks juicy, it doesn't look like its a cheap piece of shit, it sells you on the "premiere product" that Mickey D's and in this case sports media want you to think it is. But what happens is when you finally say "you know what, I'm hungry, why don't I go get myself one of those good looking, blue blood hamburgers" you realize you've been hoodwinked beyond your wildest dreams. You realize the head chef, Jim Harbaugh, actually has no clue what he's doing. Sure, every spring he takes his whole staff on trips to Italy and other illustrious places, and sure he sleeps over the most coveted sous chef's in the country houses to convince them to serve burgers at Michigan, but it never adds up. Similar to the McDouble, once you get it in your hands and see it at work you INSTANTLY can see that this product is not what it was cracked up to be. The meat, similar to Michigan's savior QB, is simply underwhelming and never quite gives you any reminder of that juicy patty you saw in TV and in Joe Milton's case heard about all summer. The buns, like the defense, are soggy, porous and just flat out bad. And then everything else, much like everything at Michigan, just sucks. That's it, it just sucks and is never what it says it is.
What a great game that was, State simply proved that Michigan is and always will be a McDonalds cheeseburger, thinking they're something you'd get from Red Coat Tavern. I'm gonna watch the highlights 20 more times, you should too.