Are Cheez Its the Michael Jordan of the Cracker World?

So I'm gonna keep this one pretty short, but my obsession is starting to consume my brain and I need to get something off my chest. I've gone back and forth on this for some time now, and I finally feel comfortable saying, cheez its are the greatest cracker/chip type snack ever created. For me, it's cheez its and goldfish in the running for 1&2 but I have to take cheez its by a nose.

First, let me tell you why cheez its are better than whatever dorito, lays, or ruffle flavor you're about to throw at me.

1) They don't sell half full bags of cheez its - any time you buy a bag of chips you paid for half a bag of air

2) They aren't overwhelming - for me this is what eliminates all of those flavor doused chips. Cool ranch, nacho cheese, sour cream and onion etc. After like 5 handfuls of those the flavor powder starts to rub off on the taste buds and suddenly theres a not so savory friction going on there

3) They leave no trace - in and out like a demon's whisper, Cheeto fingers can get the fuck out

4) They taste fucking incredible

5) More consistent than the Cleveland Browns being bad - you will never find a bad batch of cheez its, and if you do, cheez its for life on me

6) Here is where they beat goldfish for me - up to this point goldfish and cheez its are the only two snacks that check every box, but cheez its are much more filling per capita of chip. To take the edge off with goldfish you gotta eat your body weight in them, cheez its you put down 3-4 handfuls and you immediately feel those nutrients and proteins rushing through your body only to make you look like John Cena

All in all, they're the goat. Cheez its if you're reading I would be happy to accept a sponsorship. Let me know what you guys think in the comments, I'd love to hear some differing opinions

Leave a comment