Can We Please Talk About Iced Coffee

I'm just gonna cut straight to the point: iced coffee is undoubtedly the supreme way of consuming not only coffee, but caffeine in general. But for now we will just focus on it being the coffee equivalent of Freiza's final form. I was referring to the Dragon Ball Z purple lizard villain, spelling could be way off, but the real ones know. Anyway, Not only does iced coffee supply that wholesome, startling scent and taste of a good old American cup of joe, but it takes all the things we love about coffee to begin with, and turns it into a refreshing drink. I mean just look at how god damn delicious that cover picture looks, you're telling me you wouldn't eviscerate all 3 of those coffees in the time it takes Joe Rogan to reference martial arts on any given episode of his podcast?! If so, then I say to you, my ass.

Now, I am a guy that tends to sweat a fair amount, and by fair amount I mean pretty much constantly; so you can imagine my discomfort every time I indulge in my scalding daily dose of caffeine. Open up the damn floodgates, aka lets make sure everyone who has capable enough eyes to see my t shirt knows I am profusely sweating. Not to mention, when I do drink coffee there's like a 70% chance I will be making a trip to the mens room within 10 minutes of smelling the coffee brewing, and anybody that's taken a shit before knows, sweating and pooping couldn't be more antagonistic of each other if they tried. So why go through all of that misery drinking hot coffee when I can get my caffeine by drinking the equivalent of taking an ice bath? It's a no brainer. 

Also just the pure versatility of iced coffee outshines hot coffee every day of the week and twice on Sunday. Ill admit a hot coffee is nice when you're walking around Campus Martius in the middle of December, but listen, any other time of the year, or any other setting an iced coffee is going to be the preferred beverage. And you damn well aren't gonna see people drinking hot coffee on the shores of Lake Michigan in the middle of July, hellllllllllllllllll no, talk about swamp ass.

Listen, the only people who don't like iced coffee are the people who have never tried it, and that is just a fact. Drink up me hearties yo ho. 

3 comments

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  • Lol, this post is pretty funny. I especially like the part about how sweating & pooping don’t mix. Great insight, Nick.

    Steve

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