Who is Chris Ilitch Paying Off For Miggy to Not Hit 500?

chris ilitch miggy

Another day another disappointment. As of today, Thursday August 19th Miggy is going on game 6 of searching for his 500th career homerun and things are starting to smell a bit fishy. Exhibit A: I went to the game on Tuesday night when the Tigers squared off against the most cowardly organization in all of sports, the Los Angeles Angels. The ugly step sister to the world renowned LA Dodgers. My first idea of any foul play is that I in fact did not catch the 500th home run ball on Tuesday. That's fishy because I have never been to a game where a milestone career home run was a possibility and not caught the ball. Tuesday was the first time it has ever occurred and I didn't go home with a million dollar baseball. You tell me. 

Secondly, these crowds at Comerica are on levels of which we haven't seen in like 5 years. Which drives me to wonder, and this is the real meat of it, is Chris Ilitch playing god in Miguel Cabrera's pursuit of 500?!? I think there's a chance, please allow me to expand. The crowds at Comerica have had to be visual Viagra for the Caeser (pun intended) of the Ilitch empire this past week. Night in and night out 30,000+ packing into the ballpark to watch a sub .500 team lose, because of one man, Miguel Cabrera. On a Tuesday night the streets of Detroit were flooded to watch an absolutely meaningless game in the middle of August. You think that doesn't get Chris Ilitch's dick hard? He hasn't had to spend, he's not reaping the benefits of luring a $300 million free agent to Detroit, and the fans certainly are not making the trip to watch a playoff push. Tickets aside, think of all the over priced beer, corndogs, almonds this dude is pushing! It's like the crack epidemic all over again but for shitty ballpark commodities! You're telling me it's an impossibility Ilitch might be paying off Miggy for a few extra swings and misses? I'm not so sure. 

And last but not least, those fucking coward Los Angeles Angels. Walking Miguel Cabrera like their lives depend on it. Sure, maybe Ilitch isn't paying off Miggy. Miggy doesn't need the cash at this point and that would be a wild proposition for an owner to make to his franchise player. But those fuckers in LA may just be on the take. On Tuesday alone they walked Miggy 3 GOD DAMN TIMES, 3!!!!!! That should be an automatic run. If you go through an entire at bat and don't throw a single strike to a guy chasing a milestone home run, at home, you should forfeit a run. Fucking horseshit. What pussies they are over there in Anaheim. Hear me now, Angels; you'll never be the Dodgers, ever, you fucking losers. I'm still pissed they just refused to pitch to him. Which leads me to think, sure Miggy won't take money to keep the crowds coming to Comerica, but would the Angels take a check to walk Miguel 3 times a night? If Chris calls them up with the right price? All of a sudden the only shot Miggy has at 500 is if he picks one out of the dirt cricket style. Chris Ilitch keeps cutting checks for the Angels pitching staff to act like they're back in coach pitch 4 times a night, and Chris keeps raking it in from suckers like me suffering from the illusion that there's actually a chance they'll see 500. Damn shame. Even bigger shame that if he doesn't hit it today there's a 99% chance he hits it on the road, that just isn't right. Someone needs to audit Chris Ilitch just so I can sleep at night. 


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