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I Guarantee a Detroit Lions Win this Sunday

Detroit Detroit Lions football Lions

Look, here's the deal. Shoutout Jim Carey. But here is the actual deal: the Falcons suck. Matt Ryan is at the end of his chain (has been since they blew the SB), Julio Jones is injured every other snap, their defense is cheeks, Falcons are a dumb bird, their colors... are actually kind of cool, Todd Gurley is washed and has knees made of Styrofoam, Arthur Blank and Home Depot are the worst - save big money at Menard's, and let's just face it, they aren't the Detroit Lions. They don't come from a culture predicated on winning and decades of success and triumph. They don't come from a city that works as hard as Detroit where it's cold as fuck and snowing for half the year. They don't appreciate when the sun starts to shine those first couple times every April, and the first time that thermometer reads higher than 60 degrees. That stuff goes right over their heads because they're spoiled, they get everything handed to em, they get a brand new fancy stadium named after a car that's made in Germany. Terrible. We have a stadium that's named after a brand that has been manufacturing the bat signal for soccer moms and plumbers alike over the past 80(?) years in this country. Built Ford tough. 

They don't have Matt Stafford, we do. They don't have weapons like Golladay, Hock, Swift, and a fucking nasty offensive line that'll drive you back into your locker room if you don't show up ready to go, we do. They don't have a HC who has a PHD in every field of science known to mankind, although that one may be a positive for ATL. They don't have guys like Barry Sanders and Megatron that used to play for them, that built a tradition of Superbowl or bust, year in and year out, we do. They don't have a defense that learned to rush the passer for the first time after 2 years and 4 games of a coaches tenure, we do. And all that stuff that is 100% gauranteed to have an impact on this game aside, their season is over. The NFC South and the wild card are beyond their bum ass reach, and with the next 6 games we have, it is staring us in the fucking face.

We need 3-3, 2-5 doesn't mean dick for them. Take care of business, beat who you're supposed to beat, get to .500 and march on down the cake walk these next few games. By the time we're all passing Turkey, gravy, and pumpkin pie around the table these Cardiac Cats are going to be firmly in the playoff race and tomorrow shows us if we really got the nuts to do it. Get to 3-3. They suck, we don't. WE STILL HAVE LIFE. Lions 34 Falcons 27.

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