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My Dark Secret About the Detroit Lions

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If you've paid any attention to sports media, or really heard anything from pretty much anyone regarding the Detroit Lions and this upcoming season then you've probably heard predictions of crashing and burning. People have told you, or told their ESPN co anchor how the Lions are gonna be in the running for being the worst team in the NFL this year. People have done everything in their power to downplay Jared Goff (guy rocks the fuck out of a varsity jacket), they've tried to say Dan Campbell is unprofessional for taking 1% of a press conference in a racing helmet on Grand Prix weekend (looking at you Joy Taylor you loser), they once again have held their posts doing nothing but pushing negative vibes on our beloved Lions. And you know what, some of it may be for good reason. 

On this day of our lord, July 27, 2021; if someone on the street stopped me and asked me what I thought of the upcoming season and what the Lions would do I would probably say they go 4-13 or something, finish with a high pick, and back to the drawing board next year. The people saying they'll be fighting to not go 0-17 are fucking nuts, there's negative chance the Cats don't win a game this year. The North, minus the Packers assuming Rodgers goes through with this thing, is kind of cheeks, and this team isn't as bad as people give it credit for. Sure, Goff isn't a world breaker, sure the defense will probably complete doo doo, sure our best wide receiver is Tyrell Williams? It's not great, there's no doubt about that, but people seem to forget that the strength of this team is undoubtedly the most important position group in the game of football. People seem to forget about a little thing called, "The Detroit People Mover". And I'm not talking about our shitty substitute for the subway downtown. 

I'm referring to the 5 hunks of beef that will dominate the line of scrimmage game in and game out this fall. I'm talking about the best center in the game, Frank 'Ragdoll' Ragnow. Taylor 'Demolition Decker. Penei 'Suck My Peni... never mind' Sewell. Those three alone all have the chance to be pro bowlers this year, yet everyone who talks about the NFL and speaks the name of the Detroit Lions seems to forget that those guys exist. I understand the rest of the roster has some work to do, but how can you possibly exile a team to a future of 0-17 when they have what should be a top 10 offensive line in the NFL? 

And that brings me to my dirty little secret. If someone on the street asked me what I thought about the Cats this year, sure I'd probably say they'll go 4-13 give or take a game and we will see who they draft. But the truth is: I'm not so sure I believe that. I'm not so sure deep down, in my heart of hearts, I really believe this team is only capable of winning 4 games. And yes I'm a homer, I love the Lions, I've been saying they're going 10-6 and making the playoffs for as long as I can remember but that's besides the point. I may have done that my entire life, but I haven't seen a Lions team where the strength of it will be the offensive line in my entire life. For the first time ever, The Detroit Lions will run the football well, that's big. 

Of the teams with top 10 O lines last year, 7 of them made the playoffs, and one of them won the SB. The 3 teams that did not make it were The Pats (Goff would wipe the floor with Cam), The Colts (Goff would wipe the floor with whatever mop handle played QB for them), and The 49ers (everyone and their cousin got hurt). That bodes well, and it certainly bodes better than 0-17. We will run the ball this year. That's never happened in my lifetime, and from an outside viewpoint looking at other teams that run the ball successfully, it almost always translates to a good record. So again, how exactly does this team lose 17 games? They don't.

Not to mention that fat fuck is gone and Motor City Dan Campbell and Brad Holmes are bringing the vibes, that has to count for at least another game. 


 Don't sleep on the Detroit Lions folks. Soon enough my dirty little secret will be all of our little dirty secrets'. The punctuation/grammar there is fucked but whatever. 10-7 and a playoff appearance. 

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