The Detroit Red Wings Are So Fucking Back

Wow. What a whirlwind of emotion. In an all time sports weekend, one team, one city truly prevailed. That team being the Detroit Red Wings. In a city filled with losers and incompetence Steve Yzerman is serving as a beacon of hope. A beacon of brainpower, if you will. A beacon of a human being that could pass a 2nd grade math test. A beacon of life that is able to use a bathroom without assistance, unlike all other sports management in this city. Bless you Stevie Y. While the Yankees blew (another) playoff series, while Clemson blew the doors off Miami (duh), and the NFL carried on despite covid, Steve Yzerman silently upgraded Hockeytown. Without any press or fanfare outside the city of Detroit, per usual, Stevie instantly upgraded this team at every single position and he did it for peanuts. Genius. 

Troy Stetcher, John Merrill, Vlad Namestikov, Tommy Greiss, and Bobby Ryan will all be rocking the Winged Wheel this year and the beauty of it all is the maximum AAV we are paying any of these guys is 2 mil annually. FUCKING PEANUTS. Truly, an instant upgrade to every aspect of the team, not to say Greiss is better than Bernier but that 1 2 punch is much better than whatever our alternative was going to be. Every guy listed up there, and I may be forgetting someone like I always say, I'm not a stats know all the number Billy Bean type guy, I'm a watch them during the season and then follow along and tell you what I already know and read guy. That being said, every guy listed up there is going to play a significant amount for this team. Every guy listed up there is going to be an upgrade to their predecessor, and every guy listed up there is going to take this team to new heights. From "literally the worst team in NHL history" to "this team fucking stinks but at least they're only the 3rd worst team in the league". Massive upgrade. Above all, at least this team will be kind of fun to watch, it'll give a vague, and totally inaccurate, feeling of the Wings being able to win any game on any given night. And as Detroit fans that is really all we can ask for right now.

The biggest reason these moves from Yzerman are so important is directly related to us, as fans, and our will to keep watching sports. In a place where the Pistons, Lions, and Tigers all seemingly have made some sort of suicide pact where they've agreed to never again come close to achieving greatness, the Detroit Red Wings seem to have their shit figured out. That is huge. There is one team here that has a guy in charge that seems to know what he is doing, seems to have direction, and seems to be executing on that. By no means are the Red Wings going to be good next year, or the year after that, or possibly even the year after that, BUT one thing is for sure: they are on their way. The young guys Steve has taken seem to be progressing nicely, we have a few guys that will be part of the core in Larkin, Mantha, Bert, Hronek etc. In free agency he was able to get guys to come play for a team that just won 17 games. Seventeen!! Imagine the big dick swinging moves he's gonna pull when he wants to get guys to come play for a playoff team. STEVE HAS A PLAN. So whenever the Lions let us down in the fourth quarter, or Al Avila refuses to bring up Spencer Torkelson before he turns 30, or Tom Gores insists on playing for the 10th seed in the East, just remember: things are looking up for Hockeytown. Lets Go Red Wings. And give Dylan Larkin the damn C already.

Leave a comment