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Today Will Be a Good Day for The Detroit Red Wings

lottery red wings yzerman

It is lottery day once again. A day that has been riddled with misfortune for Wings fans and phony ping pong balls that inexplicably are not shown on live television. An event that I will never be convinced isn't at least slightly rigged until they switch to the NBA live format, but that's right there is the silver lining about this year for Detroit. I know for the last... all? of the years the lottery has been instituted the Wings have gotten fucked (most notably falling from 1 to 4 last year and missing out on Alexis Lafreniere) but finally, this whole fubar system is gonna work in our favor Wings fans. Please, allow me to explain. 

Contrary to the age old expression of being stuck between a rock and a hard place, this year, Yzerman and co. are stuck between an ice cream cone and a soft place. We have entered win-win, or at least that's what I'm telling myself and you should too. First and foremost, it's a new day and a new lottery. Getting bone zoned in the past has absolutely nothing to do with this year and holding on those negative feelings and attitudes isn't gonna do dick for the Wings. It's positive vibes only, manifesting 3 straight first overall picks in the next 3 lotteries and double that in Stanley Cups over the next decade. Now that the obligatory "positive vibes only" is out of the way, we probably will get shafted. Whether it's this year, next year, or the following we are getting shafted, but the universe works in mysterious ways and I have a feeling that Bettman and his gang of clowns are going to make sure one of these works out "mysteriously" in Detroit's favor.

Here's how this year goes:

Option A) We win the lottery, take Owen Power, move on with our day and Stevie leads us to Cups

Option B) We don't win the lottery, not a bad spot to be in for this draft, get a player from 6-9 that ends up being better than Power, move on with our day and Stevie leads us to Cups

If option A is the hand we are dealt then we absolutely are not winning either of the next two lottos. Bettman did Detroit his favor, we won one (still got fucked) but in the eyes of everyone else that's good enough and now we have to work with what we have. 

If option B comes our way (this would be ideal), we get a solid player this year and now are GUARANTEED to win one of the next two lotteries. We win one of the next two we get the next McDavid or Matthews and win more Stanley Cups than we'll know what to do with. 

'But Nick, how do you know we are guaranteed either Shane Wright or Connor Bedard?!?! That can't be' Ohhhhh it can my sweet children, it most certainly can. People seem to forget that we are the Detroit Red Wings and have a guy by the name of Steve Yzerman running the show. Yzerman is a business man, he makes deals for a living, he is Don Corleone. And here's where the lottery surely being rigged helps out the Wings. If Bettman has anything but marbles for brains he would understand the power of the Wings' brand, the power of the fanbase, and the vat of cash laying dormant under the sleeping giant that is the Detroit Red Wings Hockey Club. The Wings being relevant, playing in the playoffs, winning cups is a direct equator to shitting money for the league, Bettman would be a moron not to throw us a bone and he certainly has the power. It'll be no coincidence that all of the "unbiased" ping pong balls in 2022 will be draped in the Winged Wheel. And this brings me to my final point: Yzerman being Corleone. Stevie is bigger than that clown Bettman. Sure, Bettman may be the president so to speak, but Stevie is the Illuminati. Quiet, soft spoken, and a fucking savage running the show and allowing his little pawn Gary Bettman to be the face for his decisions. In true Corleone fashion Stevie either already has, or shortly will be greasing some palms at NHL HQ ensuring that the "random lotteries" in 2022 and 2023 will be fortuitous to Detroit. A business man true to his prescription.

So you see Wings fans? We've already won 1 of the next 3 lotteries. It's just a matter of time until we find out which one. Ideally the next or the following but beggars can't be choosers. All I know is we've already won whether it's today or one of the next couple years. It has been decided and now reality is just catching up. Stanley Cup Stevie is Geppetto, Bettman and the league are a bunch of real life Pinocchio's dancing on Steve's strings. It's a good day to be a Red Wings fan. 

More on tomorrow's podcast. 

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