Cart 0

We Need to Find Olivia Rodrigo the Best Man Who's Ever Lived

love olivia rodrigo sour

What a week this has been for Olivia Rodrigo, I'd imagine. Going from the drivers license girl to like the most famous person I've ever heard of? In the last month or so, I've gone from kinda sorta knowing of her just in the fact that I remember seeing Tik Toks with drivers license as the song, to not being able to open my phone without seeing the Sour album cover, Good 4 You being lip sunk, lip synced?  by a former homecoming court member, or something about Olivia Rodrigo being a girls "17 year old spirit animal". What a rise, and what a time to be an Olivistan. Yea I just named her version of the bey hive. 

One thing not talked about enough, or at least not until you do some digging on our heartbroken princess is her entrance into the showbiz industry. She was tapped to start her Disney run as a main character in the HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL TV SHOW?!?! It actually doesn't get better than that. That's like going to school as a PolySci major and your first job being The President. De Niro in The Godfather 2, it literally does not get bigger than High School Musical. Breaking Free, an age old ballad that can be heard at 20 somethings' pregames to this day. She was bred for stardom so this sudden breakout is the least bit surprising. The only thing that may be a bit surprising is how Olivia seemingly dates the worst men in existence.

We need to find the heartbreak queen a guy who will inspire her to write her next hit single. "Good 4 Me". A guy who wouldn't dream of forgetting a birthday, anniversary, or how completely fucking godly Olivia is. It's a little shocking that every experience she has had in her life is directly related to a guy breaking her heart. Like, every single experience that is relevant enough to say, write a song about? They're all just some doucher guy that's having other girls over his house while she drives by with her drivers license. It makes me sick. I just can't handle the songbird of our generation being sad almost constantly and over some loser kid who's probably wearing a pair of Vans painting his nails right now. We need to find Taylor Swift 2.0 love. She's putting out fire and taking over the world while she's depressed? Imagine what she could pull off with a guy who doesn't use his drivers license to hang out with other girls... it would be biblical. 

All that said, T's and P's to all the dudes and especially Olivia Rodrigo's high school classmates who are all thinking, "hey I can be that nice guy that Olivia needs. She's feeling a little down, I've always had a crush on her, maybe this is the start of our love story." Sorry fellas, but the friendzone awaits. It's actually not as bad as it seems once you come to terms with it, but the way there does blow. Anyway, our only hope will somehow end up being MGK or Pete Davidson or something, it's just how shit works don't ask me. 

I will always bend the knee Olivia. Anyone who breaks into show biz as a High School Musical cast member may as well be god. Here's to you finding love, Your Grace.

More on the podcast

Older Post Newer Post

Leave a comment