Tory Lanez is in the Clear for Shooting Meg The Stallion Because he Was Simply Too Drunk
The point of this article is literally the title. A few weeks back Tory Lanez shot Meg The Stallion????? Which I don't understand how the fuck that happens in the first place, but I digress, and now Tory is doing the gentlemanly thing by apologizing and saying he was, "too drunk".
Tory Lanez Apology to Megan for Alleged Shooting, 'I Was Too Drunk' https://t.co/kVtHHvyRQE— TMZ (@TMZ) September 9, 2020
Ladies, chivalry is not dead. Class act move by Tory to own up to this and just get ahead of all that bad press by giving an unbelievably valid excuse for shooting someone with a gun..... God damn it must be nice to be famous. Imagine literally using a deadly weapon and shooting a metal bullet at somebody and trying to brush it under the rug because you didn't stop after the 3rd rum and coke that night? What the fuck kind of excuse is that?!? And how in the world is that just accepted? This planet we live on is absurd.
Now my take on this whole situation would be quite a bit different if just one aspect of my life was different. That aspect being: whenever I get too drunk and do something stupid I can just use that as a get out of jail free card (pun intended). Not to say I've ever done something as outrageous as shooting somebody (I think) but like, I don't know, let's say I get pulled over and subsequently given an MIP on my way home from a Halloween party during my junior year at MSU. Not that this happened to me or anything just simply as a hypothetical. In that situation I should be able to say, "Mr. Officer Sir, I understand I may have been stumbling here and there during this long quest home, but I am simply too drunk and that is why I have stumbled at all." At that point it should be like a mechanized program where the cop forgets everything he ever learned at Police school and just lets me go. If anything, he should offer me a ride and buy me a Cottage Inn pizza on the way back to help sober me up. Imagine that, every time in a drunken state you do something stupid you just get a free pass, clean slate, a Men In Black memory deletion flash in your back pocket. What a beautiful world that would be.
I guess I shouldn't be mad at Tory for using that as an excuse and I should be mad at policy makers in this country for not making some type of law that nobody can ever hold anything you do in a drunken state against you... who knows, maybe I wouldn't still be single... sike. Everyone knows I'm single because I want to be not because girls don't like me lmfao *insert crying laughing emoji*. Anyway good for Tory, it's just a shame the "I was too drunk" excuse only carries any weight if you have over a million Instagram followers and a gold record. Tory's got the KEY TO THE drunk tank.
One day I'll be able to use that excuse. The day the Lions win the SB I'm going to have to.
P.S. Check out this absurdly fire Motor City football tee I just made. I promise it's the best thing you've seen this week.